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As a parent, you have
a huge influence on your child’s views and behaviour. Current research
suggests that young people are more likely to delay or avoid drug
taking when they are able to talk openly with their parents.
Research also shows
that, where young people do develop serious problems with drugs, the
involvement and support of parents and families can make a big
difference to the person’s health and their ability to deal with their
drug use.
Talking to your kids
about drugs can be quite daunting but here are a few tips we think you
may find useful:
TALK TO YOUR CHILD WHEN YOU’RE BOTH CALM
A natural reaction to
finding out your child is using drugs is to panic. Don’t talk to them
about it whilst you’re in a state of anger / panic / confusion. Walk
away and buy yourself some thinking time. Decide what you want to say
in advance – this will help stop the conversation getting out of
control and getting nowhere. If you need chance to think or talk it
over before speaking to your child, call us.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
Lots of parents worry
that their children know more about drugs than them. Check out the
drug info pages on this site and also have a look at other links –
your children will not know more than is on these pages. Have a read
of the facts, no need to learn slang – just how drugs may affect their
health and welfare. Young people can know a lot – but some of it is
rubbish, and facts from you can be far more credible. If you would
like information leaflets about specific drugs, email or call us and
we'll send those out to you in plain packaging free of charge.
GET SOME HELP
When you need to talk
to your child about drugs or their drug use, it may help to have
someone in the same room that the child respects or likes who might be
able to stop the conversation escalating into a row or stand-off. How
about a grandparent, friend, a favourite aunt or uncle? If you’re
unsure and want to talk about it call us on 615622.
Regardless of the
outcome of any chat with your child, support is always good for you,
it'll help keep you sane if your child is using and doesn't want to
stop. If your support is your partner you need to stand together as a
united front, if you can't then get some outside help. Give us a call
or emial us..
FORGET
BLAME
Blame isn’t useful
for anything and gets you nowhere in terms of helping your child and
it won’t make you feel any better. Whether you feel the school haven’t
done enough, that it’s your child’s fault, their friend's or the drug dealers fault is
all irrelevant – what has happened has happened – you cannot change
it. But you CAN look to the future and see what you can do and where
you go from here.
REASONS FOR DRUG USE
We’re all different so
our reasons for using drugs differ. Whilst most young people who try
drugs are experimenting and enjoy them and very few go on to have
dependence problems, there are some other possible reasons why drugs
may appeal to some young people that you might like to think about.
-
Do they lack
confidence? Some drugs increase confidence so a child with low
self-esteem could be using to escape the difficulties they have. How
could you help?
-
Boredom or
Loneliness? Being at a loose end, lonely – taking drugs can be a
quick solution in their eyes. Can you help in any way?
-
Relationship
Problems? Some of us have great problems forming relationships,
making friends or fitting in. Again, some may use drugs to cope with
these situations to make themselves feel more confident but only
make themselves more isolated. Can you talk to your child about
their shyness, discuss their good points, how to start conversations
even?
-
Body Image
Problems? Do they lack confidence in how their body/appearance
is?
-
Learning
Difficulties? Anyone with learning difficulties will feel added
pressure in life and school and drugs can seem more appealing in
terms of coping.
-
Are there other
problems? Such as family break up, school difficulties, money
worries, unemployment, have they recently been bereaved? Are they
trying to cope with other problems?
All these
possibilities give you an idea of what you could do to help. If these
problems exist, you could help your child find the help they need in
these areas to reduce their reasons for taking drugs.
ASK OPEN QUESTIONS AND LISTEN TO THE ANSWER
(Closed questions
require a yes or no answer such as ‘Do you smoke Cannabis?’ – if a
questions starts what, when where etc, you’re more likely to get a
conversation rather than feeling like you’re leading an
interrogation!) The following will give you an idea of how serious or
dangerous their drug use is.
WHAT drugs do
they take? (So you know what you’re dealing with and are they
mixing dangerous cocktails?)
HOW do they take
their drugs (Smoke, Inject, Swallow)? Will give you an idea of
risk involved.
WHEN do they
take their drugs? (Everyday/weekends/monthly) How much of a
‘problem’ is it.
WHERE do they
take drugs? Is it a safe place or are they alone and at risk
of being unable to call for help if required? Or are they alone in
their room?
Rather than asking
‘WHY’ do you take drugs, try ‘What do you get out of it?’ or ‘How do
they make you feel?’ ‘Why’ can be a hard one to answer as often we, as
adults can’t explain why we feel the need to do something like smoke
or drink alcohol and can be even more difficult for young people to
explain. Asking the child if there are any bad points about their drug
use can be useful in weighing up the pro’s and cons and bring about
realisation that the cons out-weigh the pros. but always show how
you've listened to their response - it confirms you are interested and
want to listen to what they say.
BE HONEST AND TELL THE TRUTH
There is no evidence
to suggest that talking to your child about drug issues will lead them
to experiment. Young people will not automatically accept what you say
so be ready to share your views, tell them where you got your
information and if you don’t know the answer to their question say so.
Did you experiment with drugs in your youth or know of someone who did
which you can share with your child? Knowing that you too were young
once may help!!
BROACHING THE SUBJECT
It can be difficult to
know where to start. Try picking up on a news story or a television
soap storyline to broach the subject.
REASSURANCE
If a child has a drug
problem, it is important for them to know that you will be there for
them – from answering their questions to helping them if they have
difficulties and need help. Reassure them that it is their
behaviour that you don't like and not them.
WHEN DRUG USE HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR SOME TIME
If you discover your
child has been using drugs for a length of time and does not appear to
be able to stop – and wants to – get some help. Call us for a chat or
contact your GP. Some drugs may be more dangerous to come off than
others. What is important to remember is that a drug problem does not
occur over night and therefore stopping or reducing their intake will
not happen over night either. It takes time. Unfortunately, there is
no magic cure but time, effort and support, preferably tailored to the
individual. Each person has their own reasons for the drugs they take,
and learning to cope without them can take time and a number of
attempts. You cannot change someone else’s behaviour but you can be
there to support and show you love them.
IF
THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND…
A problem some parents
on the Island are having is in this area. Up until a certain age, you
are responsible for your child. Once they become an adult it is
important that if your child is still living at home they are aware of
your views and house rules.
Set clear
boundaries. You
need to be clear of what the rules are to be – remember it’s an
offence to knowingly allow your premises to be used for drug
taking/supply. Are you prepared to carry through action if rules are
broken? Will you support them regardless of what they do?
So, what if things
have become REALLY BAD? What if money and possessions are going
missing, you have locks on your bedroom doors or your child is violent
towards you and members of the family? (We mean ‘child’ of any age as
some people still live with their parents into their 30’s and 40’s.)
Again, we must stress it is rare but it does
happen. For any parent this is a terrible situation to be in –
struggling to cope with the behaviour yet being caught between the
love of their child and their horror and anger at the way they are
being treated. Yes they may be your child – but they DO NOT have the
right to abuse you in any way. Violence, abusive behaviour and
stealing from the family is unacceptable behaviour – for which drug
use is no excuse.
It’s an awful dilemma. You are the role model
for your child. If your child learns that they can get away with such
behaviour in the home – how will they behave in the outside world? If
they treat other people as they do you (stealing/violence) they are
likely to find themselves in trouble and likely prison.
If
your child is 17 years old or older – they are an adult (although that
may possibly change in the Isle of Man shortly). Under that
age, Social Services may be able to help if there is a problem in the
home. If you want to talk to someone and chat about your options call
us on 615622. Violence and theft is not acceptable behaviour, get some
help.
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